Wednesday, 21 August 2013

AT HOME HE'S A TOURIST

This past Sunday I moved back to my hometown. Back to my parents' house. The house that I grew up in. The house that I once called home. It has been five years since I moved away to go to university. I worked out that in that time I have lived in two different cities, in seven different houses, with a total of eighteen different housemates. Now, at 26 years old, I am once again living in my childhood bedroom.

I have polarising emotions about being back here. A large part of me feels that I have admitted defeat somehow. Like I couldn't make it out there in the big bad world on my own. Like I failed at being a grown up. (To be clear, it was my choice to move back and I was in no way forced to.) I guess the reason for these feelings is that society dictates that I should probably have my shit together by now. Well, fuck you society! I'm not a real person yet and nor do I want to be.

Another thing about moving "home" is that it doesn't really feel like home any more. Well, it feels like home, but not my home. I feel like a visitor here. My parents were more than happy for me to move back so I don't really know why I feel this way. I am incredibly grateful and lucky that I have somewhere to come back to whenever I want/need to.  Maybe after I am settled in it will begin to feel like home again. Then, hopefully, I will be able shake this awful feeling that I am encroaching on my poor parents' lives.

Maybe if I actually got around to unpacking my shit instead of stepping over and around boxes and bags I would feel better. I am terrible at unpacking once I have moved somewhere. I once moved into a flat and didn't finish unpacking for over a month. The problem is that I fucking hate moving. Which is ironic because if I stay in once place too long I begin to hate it. Just one of my many paradoxical traits that prevent me from ever being happy.

Anywho, the bottom line is that Phase #2 of operation 'Martin in Toronto' is now complete. Phase #2 being to move back to my hometown. Phase #1 was to quit my job and Phase #3 is to now find a new one. Phase #4 is to save money and then, finally, Phase #5 is GET THE FUCK TO TORONTO. So far I'm bang on schedule.

9 comments:

  1. You think a month is bad? It took me two years to unpack everything that doesn't exist to stay in boxes. The last two boxes hadn't been properly unpacked since I tried to leave home at 16. :P

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    1. Haha. Okay, you win. My problem is that I have too much crap and always end up in the smallest bedrooms. I need to de-crap my life. Or just live somewhere with bigger rooms.

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  2. Just try to remember that in this day and age, moving back home with your parents is much more common than one might think. If I ever end up having to leave LA and move home, you can be damn certain that's the first place I'll go. Plus, it's aaalll part of a bigger plan, so it'll be worth it =] Plus plus, free free free.

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    1. You're right, the 'free free free' part is a HUGE plus. XD

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  3. I'm a perpetual tourist in my home city, as I haven't lived there since I was five (but I regularly go back to visit as most of my family is still there). It's an odd feeling. I grew up in different countries, and after I moved out of home my mom moved back to my home city and it's all very scattered. Oddly enough, I'd love to move back in with her if only to eat food from her kitchen (mmm, homecooked food of my childhood) and to be back in my favorite place on earth!

    I also spent my first semester abroad living out of my suitcase because there was such minimal closet space in the apartment I was given that I didn't even bother contesting for some of the wardrobe (my roommate got to the apartment before I did).

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    1. I would take some, but I don't own a camera. True story.

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  5. I've never quite gotten over feeling as though I'm in the way when I'm on a pitstop at my parents' house. They want me there and they love having me (I hope) but I still feel as though I'm mucking up their routine & the way they live.. and it never fits with how I do things... if you figure out how to settle in though, give us a shout.

    I tend to unpack as quickly as possible- usually a few hours after I arrive (unless, of course, I'm off again a few hours later). It helps to not own very much in the world.

    I quite like the blog redesign, by the way.x

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    1. Owning less stuff id definitely the way forward. I am certainly going to cut down the next time I move.

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