Wednesday, 20 August 2014


This is a follow up to the post REASONS WHY I DON'T HAVE A SMARTPHONE AND NEVER WILL a.k.a I'm a weirdo that refuses to conform and this is where I try to justify why a.k.a I'm a self righteous dick and what of it? So yeah, as the title of the post suggests; I don't drive. I have never had a lesson and I have never been behind the wheel of a car. Most people have learnt how to drive by the time they reach their late twenties and a significant number of people have leant how to drive by their late teens, but I never bothered. I'm not against cars per say, I have been a passenger in cars all my life; in fact my mother told me that as a baby the only way my parents could get me off to sleep was in the motion of a vehicle, so they often had to take me out driving late at night just to get me to sleep. As a fully fledged adult, with much more normal sleeping habits, I am not so fond of those big hunks of metal, and this is why... 


This is a serious point, you guys. I have absolutely no doubt that if I got behind the wheel of a car serious carnage would ensue. I just... I can't steer. Maybe it is a lack of coordination or balance something, I don't know, but when I was a kid (or, you know, nineteen) I went Go Karting with a bunch of friends for someone's birthday and I SUCKED. I literally had to drive so slowly just to avoid crashing at every turn. I didn't finish last, but I did get ribbed by all my friends for sucking so bad. ALSO I used to have to drag a pallet trolley around when I worked in a factory and I was ALWAYS crashing in to things and getting the bastard stuck. I know you probably can't compare Go Karting and pallet trolleys with an actual car, but still, the signs are not encouraging.

Even if I did WANT to drive then the actual overall cost involved would certainly put me off. Not only do you have to actually buy a car, you then have to insure it (which isn't cheap for first time drivers), pay for road tax and also pay for fuel to run the fucker (the price of which is obviously always going to increase until electric cars are the norm). Not only that but then there is the cost of maintaining the car. On a budget like mine I'd only be able to afford some second hand, broken down, piece of shit so I'd be forever having to get it fixed. No thanks, I'll stick with buses and trains and my own two legs. Which brings me nicely to my third and final point...  


I have never lived anywhere that it was a necessity that I drive. I am lucky enough to live in a town where everything I need is within walking distance. I think that lot of people drive when they don't really NEED to and that is a major problem. Driving makes people so fucking lazy. I appreciate that people who live in the middle of nowhere do NEED to drive, or people with disabilities and such, but so many people really don't. Not only that, but looking at the bigger picture, does the world really need another fucking car on the already overcrowded roads? I'm not NOT driving because I'm trying to save the planet or anything, but if by not driving I am getting a little exercise AND not causing unnecessary pollution and congestion then I'm more than happy to keep on walking.

Tell me, drivers, why do you drive? What is so great about cars? Am I completely wrong? COME AT ME, BRO. 

Tuesday, 29 July 2014


"If I could capture the rage of today's youth and bottle it,
I'd crush the glass with my bare hands and swallow it"

This song randomly popped into my head the other day. I haven't heard it, or listened to this album in forever, so I have no idea why. I was kinda obsessed with this album when it came out (in 2001!), I even owned a D12 hoodie. Yeah, I was that kinda 14 year old. This was my favourite song from the album and the video holds a special place in my heart because it is based on the 1979 movie, The Warriors, which I fucking adore.

Tuesday, 22 July 2014


This past Sunday was Hastings' annual Pirate Day. A day when much of the town dresses up as pirates and descends on the town centre to either A) Spend time their children and partake in the various family activities the organisers put on, or B) Drink and be merry. You already know which category I fall in to...

You may or may not remember that this time last year I was banging on about moving to Canada. Obviously that didn't happen. I guess the main reason for that is because of the girl sitting next to me in that photo (red hair, stripy top). She was with us on Pirate Day last year, but I didn't know her then and I didn't even speak to her. I even posted a photo on last year's Pirate Day blog post which she was in. I didn't meet her properly until several months later. In case I am not being clear, she is (now) my girlfriend and she takes great pleasure in reminding me that I ignored her on last year's Pirate Day.

We now live together and have two super cute but hella annoying kittens. If you'd told me a year ago that this is where I would end up I would not have believed you. Canada is not off the agenda completely, I have wanted to go there for as long as I can remember and that has not changed. It just doesn't feel as urgent as it once did. 'Operation: Get The Fuck To Toronto' came to be because I felt that I had nothing to stay here for. Now I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be.

Yesterday I woke up with a killer hangover, covered in temporary pirate tattoos, a cock and crossbones crudely scrawled in sharpie on my neck and 'FUCK ISRAEL' written across my chest. I think 'FREE PALESTINE' would have been slightly less offensive, but what pirate worth his salt cares about being offensive? NOT THIS ONE. ARRRRGGGHHH! I love this town and I love that girl.

Wednesday, 9 July 2014


As many of you will already know I am rather fond of my green hat. I wear it most of the year. Even in summer I'll keep it in my bag "just in case". I feel rather uncomfortable when I leave the house without it on my head. I'm not quite sure why this is, or how it started even. My current green hat is Version III. The Original, Version I, I got when I first started university. It served me a good few years before I accidentally shrunk it in the wash. I was fucking devastated, to say the least. I searched high and low for another one the same but had to settle for one that was similar. Version II only served me for a couple of months before I left it in a pub when I'd had a few too many beverages. I clearly wasn't as attached to Version II as I was to The Original. Then came Version III. At first I really didn't like it, not even as much as Version II and certainly not as much as Version I. But I stuck with it and persevered. A couple of years later and I am totally in love with the little green bastard. We have been through a lot together, my hat and I, and yes there have been a couple of close shaves, but I haven't lost or harmed it yet...

That is, until this past weekend. I woke up in my tent on Sunday morning at Sonisphere Festival and the green hat was gone. Nowhere to be seen. To be honest, I wasn't too upset. I was far too fucking hungover to be upset. I thought to myself "Well, we had a good run. Nothing lasts forever. I'm going back to fucking sleep". When I finally mustered the energy to crawl out of my tent I discovered what had become of my little green friend. It turned out that it was far from lost, in fact it had seemingly had a better night than I had...

I passed out in my tent shortly after Iron Maiden finished their set (I assume, I don't actually remember seeing Maiden. Oops). When everyone else returned to the camp site to find me tucked up in my sleeping bag (I'd started drinking at 8AM you guys, gimme a break!) they decided it would be funny to fuck with me...

They stole the hat from my head and took it on a late night jaunt around the festival. Not only that but they took about fifty photos of strangers (and inanimate objects) wearing it! They thought I was going to be livid about the prank (If you take my hat from my head when I am awake (and drunk) I get VERY angry) but I saw the funny side. To be honest, I was just pleased that I hadn't actually lost it.


Thursday, 3 July 2014


Last year I wrote about losing my music festival virginity at Download Festival, which well and truly gave me the "festival bug" resulting in me convincing a couple of my friends that it would be a good idea to go to another music festival like a month later. THIS YEAR we didn't go to Download (It was a couple weeks ago), THIS YEAR we are going to Sonisphere Festival, which starts tomorrow!

I am super fucking excited! I think it will be even better than Download was last year because now I kinda know what to expect. You can't be a pussy at festivals, there is no time for hangovers, no flaking out, there is too much to do, too many bands to see and too much alcohol to consume! "Go hard, or go home" is kind of our festival motto. It works. I have a tent, a sleeping bag, 40 cans of Strongbow and 50 grams of tobacco. I will probably be feeling like death when I get home on Monday but I don't care because I get to spend three days in a field with some of my best friends and I GET TO SEE FRANK FUCKIN' TURNER for the second time this year! (I am also pretty fucking excited about seeing Dropkick Murphys and Anti-Flag for the first time. Plus, you know... Maiden again!)